Tamu's Blog wow this site's even better than I remember, naybe I need to make a new super post on it. Especially since I just gave myself 3 more websites. I now have like 20 MB of webspace. best part? none of it is a LiveJournal. Hhahahaah you all suck! suckers..... Each page will have a distinctive flavor from this organic stream of narrative to my tribute pages. hopefully they will leave people thoroughly entertained, contemplative and wanting more. but you just wait. all that is coming. And coming soon. Just like the super post that I will soon be writing.... Peace out, much love... Tamu

well, I guess it is time for a post. my send off post. land mark that has called for it: me going to college on the first of september. well, what has happened... you know I actually don't feel like doing this much. maybe I'm breaking routine, you see its not pst midnight tonight. there is no heartbreak, no triumph, no brand new loves(although the brown girl is driving me crazy). am i emotionally numb? I'm I guarding myself for the big move? seems like the tactic at hand... uncaring has always worked well for me in the past-as much as I hate being detached from life's turmoil- I suppose I drop feelings which are useless. Sort of an emnotional 'destroyer', circa the personality survey I did in the winter. wow, so I'm once again self concious. this time I'm afraid Fatima will read my post, granted she won't. but, it had to be addressed in this rant to get it off my mind. moving on, so, maybe I'm not in love with her, but I deeeeeeply care for her. at my goodbye party she and sean were the first to arrive(surprise, surprise) and i had the desire to cancel my shindig in order to be with only them. 3 hours on the roof and only one addition joined us(eric e-love llovett), so my wish came true for the most part. In fact half of those who RSVPed never showed up. K'Leigh was sorely missed, our relationship has always been too short, too shallow, too unstable. she's wonderfull. in fact my first crush of high school(I asked her to freshman homecoming, but being my first dance/girl asked out I was nowhere near early enoughand she said no, with respect to her girls, with whome she had plans. Hmm... I have proper grammer. not bad. not great or articulate, but not bad. Riley Peck would be proud. and my nick name, Cplre, might just be discredited. oh well moving on. with six hugs goodbye, I could not say I love you. however, in retrospect I really don't want to or need to. I'm getting into that intimate, no talking zone that I can only maintain with my closest loved ones where everything must be assumed because I refuse to difine our connections. I'm like that with Evan the most extremely. we never, ever talk. but when he when his last girlfriend asked him who was the person who understood him the most, I was one of the three people he mentioned. I kinda wonder who the others are. Drew definatly, maybe greg, but he's too recent. I might sk him at our next meeting, 4 months from now. I normally can't stand being without him for over 2 months. And that's developt because his birthday is in august, we leave school in june which means I've often gone lonely for that exact period many a times. I bought my laptop this morning. iBook 1ghz processor, 512 memmory, a $69 iPod(after a nine week wait for a rebate). I pumped it up from 1,199 to 1,835.35. so, i just realized while watching my like 15th episode of Sex & the City, Scrubs two comedies about the male/female perspectives on relationships(good Ilove to study this way), that I'm going to have gig.... that I do have gigantic communication problems. I'm accepting, not questioning of my chosen loved ones, actually I'm worse with my family. I' never talk. my mom coplains that she doesn't understand me, that it appears as if my relationship towards her is built on nothing but "secrets and lies." but her questions are always so directed towrds her missguided conclusions. ex. 'Tamu why do you always think....and keep doing ... so that you can ...(do something that's evil, missguided, stupid). she thinks being helpful is wrong. she's afraid that I don't know when I'm being 'used' she tries to point it out constantly. this of course comes after she complained for years about being selfless and giving up everything for my siblings and I, while getting nothing in return and no gratitude. sadly I generally pefer to be unthanked(it gets to my head because the oportunities are abundant when everyone loves you). my life rule#1 is the golden rule: do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you. and my social philosophy #1, based of opposing reaction/observation of the golden rule: people will treat you however you treat them. I love everyone so everyone love sme. I'm now watching the final episode of Sex and The City... dramatic conclusions to all the stories, but I don't want to say conclusions...they are really wrap ups. back to Fatima, she's a friend. and it's odd to think, because i'm questioning rest-of-my-life status. then wife now neighbor, coffee once/twice a week, making my real wife jealous sort of thing. the greatest thing is our relationship is akin to Alexis and I. yaeh, now I'm Alexis. one of the most pathetic situations possible. I don't want to insult alexis, and in my befense, i am her too... you know what i mean. I feal so bad for all the sex and the city girls. slut with no sex drive. stepford wife with no firtility, loving flirt girl being paid no attention, and the cold cinical woman who is hopelessly attached to her loved ones. what a beautiful show. I still can't decide which show I like more this or Scrubs. I can see myself being the paradime of that russian man who has women to be nothing more than rocks to be leaned on. that must never happen. And I don't want to say I need to find the right girl. I can see laura nitti being that right type. what a tragedy I was always ashamed to like her. yes childish imaturity! missed opportunities... although where is she going to college? can we maitain just enough contact through the next few years to make us possible afterwards? what is it going to be like when we hang out tomorrow. God I love this show! Fuck!!!! Happy!!!! the brunette is my favorite... wait one sec I'll post his then continue to write. not a bad post so far. its a surprisingly good how for only a half hour. what else is there? oh yes, the second thing that I could thin of when starting this post ( after my love for Fatima, damn that it is now undefinable) I spoke with my mentor on the phone yesterday. side comment alexis was gone for less than a week when she wrote me a post card and then another week before she called me, actually on the day she got her cell phone, she called me 4 times. hmm... damn it that is exactly what I am with Fatima. well the male version of it. Jennifer said I talk about Alexis a lot. I had an incredibly awquared(how the fuck is that spelled?), moment. probably one of my most awquared moments of the year trying to explain it to her. my mentor, named Catherine (katie) Nunez. Half Spanish, half sweedish, very cute. she has redish, blond hair. I love red hair! So much!!!! and Latinas are by far the best culture. as far as I've learned. they are always so optimistic and fun loving, bond building, moment cherishing people. sadly she never was in touch with her spanish side until last year becuase I willlllllllllll DIE without a spanish connection at northeastern. her personality is even cute, in an almost flirting older sister type of way. I like her partying maturity style. I'm disappointed that alexis is a partyer now. she didn't sleep in her own bed since the first week of school. but I didn't expect more from her. I now see that Iwas nearly stalling the enevitable. she was a girl who looked forward to becoming pregnant during high school. at least I got that out of her system for the 4 years. and I'm beginning to realize how musch I meant to her since she is now gone and out of my realm of control. her new hope is to simply be married before college is over. to bad I wasn't there when she was raised, she has all that stuff implanted in her character because of her childhood. I know this is wierd to be discussing( and od to us the word discuss) but she's what? my experiment? I need to e-mail Katie a picture of myself. I'm going to miss Scrubs. I like shows that are based on relationships. its good to get a perspective on something I care so dearly about but never discuss with anyone besides my self. you do realize I've never lost my friends before. I've had my spanish folks forever. of course I have no trouble making friends. but I've always just added them onto to previous groups. I think I'l start watching the rest of mty movies.... so I can get rid of them and have nothing hold me back left undone, save for my books. Actually I'm really glad I didn't meet Fatima earlier, I would have been a full blown dependent like ms. 4 calls. or perchance, I may have fallen in love with her instead of rebecca(note for the record I just typed alexis in the place of Becca. I just found a new way to flex my biscept, improves its appearence I'd say 5-10%. I love being able to control by body so well. If only I could get rid of this infernal back pain....whimper....it really sucks(teardrop). Katie(my mentor) is a politcal science major also. but, for some reason she's impressed that I want to run for office. what the hell is she doing? campaing manager? bitch work? lawyer? historian? I don't know... I think I'm getting pretty close to being spent. I like stream of conciousness and I'm working on building my that, my ability. I always delete and change. change my voice my narrative voice. maybe, perhaps I've lostit while trying to fit peoples ideas of good writing. I think my most impressive peice was that one about Pablo Naruda in which I stepped out of the mold. Then agoin I could be mistaking Halpern's approval with self pride. I love that guy. He came y while we were bilding chairs and it made my summer. The funny thing is that it's not like impressing a father, its like impressing my future self. I see so many parts of me in him and so much of him in me. gassen completely agrees, Cathleen said I should be the repalcement halp when he was late for class, and Halpern told me that he wsjust like me in high school. he said he ws impresed with my summer activities and he expected Andrew to not stick with it because the is too flakey. I think the six hug goodbye was wnough for me. I think I'll be able to hold out without Fatima. you know she changed at my party. we were sitting up on the roof and she looked at us then straight forward and said calmly , conused, but releaved and said " this is the first time I don't feel like talking" my response was "that's because you've been spending too much time with boys. she smiled almost blissfully(but nowhere near gleefully for me to have confidence in my wodchoice, but you can imagine). Movie choice for this writing session? Juice, it has Tupac. and I hopoe it is aboutthug/ghetto relations...which is normally the case with movies of this look. (publishing pause) Damn now I have to watch the republican national convention.but I cannot just do that because it would drive me crazy. so i will watch this movie aswell. I wonder if I can handle both. I guess I'm done typing. because I am currentlty eating on top of all else. first thing learned from theconvention is that the only problemwith latino culture, well there are two, is that they ae inherently republican(family, tradition, religion). the follow up probklem is becuase they are so familyorinted and dependent, they can't be independent ,thus no need for self reliance, thus no need for self improvement, and finally that means they do not care much for academic educations. but thats just my opinion. Then again who am i to atlk. Blacks don't care fo rit either, due to distrust of our traditinal oppresors.

Everyon is leaving. Evan called me last night and said he had to come by one last time... godbye best friend. On other fronts, Hawthorne Chairs is closing down, we went white water raffting on sunday, on saturday I realized how in love with Fatima I am. and how bitter that I like her because she is untouchable the same cause of Claire's debacle, so if I ever were to make the late move I would risk completely losing the attraction. Hmmmmm. Well more to be posted later tonight.

all is well,. I bought my plane tickets, my gmail is established. My CDs are coming in. My friends are all leaving(alexis tomorrow, yoyo next thursday). Boo. i hang out with Becca next week, who knows how that will turn out. I owe near nothing for school($801.43). And still noone reads my posts. Maybe I'll leave a really long one soon. I think I won't have a phone in college, see how that works out. I saw RENT a couple nights ago, bad first act, amazingly good second act. Over all great. It was my first Broadway show. I saw Mariko there, my dad still recognizes her as 'you know that girl who's perfect at everything?' And business is good(although Andrew quit a while ago) we are fgoing to earn our expectations, between 2 and 3 thousand each. Not a bad haul for a summer gig when your a teen. goodnight, Tamu

so I'm going to college and I just got my g-mail account. Bam!

Life is good. Hawthorne Chairs is wonderful Andrew quit though. Still twiterpatted by everone. Because a crush cannot compare(as Andrew tought me)

post this

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here is my first e-mailed message

that's basically it. thanks..... _________________________________________________________________ FREE pop-up blocking with the new MSN Toolbar ? get it now! http://toolbar.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200415ave/direct/01/

i'm about to graduate. all i need to do is some random assignments and then i'll be fine. today i got to do an interview for the Natan scholarship. hopefull i get it. I'm pretty sure i charmed them.. not all of them only two out of three of them. maybe that will be enough. i made hem laugh, i charmed them with with my espanol, but the one... Dr. Nathan did not seem as happy as the other wo about me but he is a doctor, serious stuff, although it is his scholarship... therefore being the most important of the three to charm... wish me luck(however noone really reads this anyways). I also completed one of my other goals. I sang a song infront of my school at an assembly, now i need to sing in front of a sports crod and do the star Spangled banner. it went on a back burner because i sang in that one anssamble during outdoor school with Becca, Twinky, and another girl(blond with glasses, she was cool but I cannot remember her :( god i love my friends so much and all the people i met during the last four years. with speacial consideration to becca for teaching me to love. its odd anging out with exes has taught me that I still have the same crushes on the same girls that i've ad since I got to know them all. nothing really ever changes . I like them for the exact same reasons as yeaster-year and I don't like all the other girls for the same reasons as when I met them too. Today david wang read through my notebok he was intrigued. 'your mind works very oddly' or something to that effect.. Take note: "..." means exact reference '...' means paraphrasing. its cool to have this outlet to be honest. good thing I got a blog. I can be brutally honest but not force people to hear it because no one really does read it. I any out there is reading this please let me know.......tamu125@hotmail.com.....I am currently supervising(but doing nothing) on the senior videos, just here for tech services and morall support and company.....god i wish i get that scholarship. good bye

still nothing...prom was great Kehly actually came. she had fun....I had fun...but, she does have a boyfriend...now Naomi hates me greatly...but there's nothing I can do short of actually go out with her...so I am now in unapologetic ignorance.

g-mail, g-mail, where is this g-mail I've been hearing about? An d I can't wait to buy the google stock when it comes out. What a great company...

Tremor has always been good to me...

There's a war going on but the reasons undercover. The truth is kept secret, its swept under a rug... if you never truth than you never know love. Where's the love ya'll? I don't know. Where's the truth ya'll? I don't even know.

making my kilt, doing it in Irish National tartan. With a Prince Charle's jacket. Yes Kevin? Yes Kehly!!

kehly is coming to town. Halleluya!!!!

I want G-Mail

Yeah so I am thinking I will go back to having a website. Recent developments: I lived to study, we lost, I lost all desire to learn, but now I am over that, I have tons of free time, I want to start to caper. I'll fill you in later.