so your right.
I guess i was just afraid
sorta a why question a good thing, right?
but its true knowledge always helps
afraid of all the things one would be when in this situation
rejection, explanation, frustration
all so early in the game
before I've ever had the chance to scream your name
to see you face or this relationship thorugh
where it could go, will it blow, or what it will do
afriad I jumped the gun
took a chance and stared into the sun
for just a moment of glory, knowing I could never do it again
and perhaps in the mean time i'd lost my ability to catch glimpses of a friend
but, that seems not the case
your sticking it through
I love it, but i guess i never really thought about stage two
you see stage one took years, just to initiate
it great
but, i never looked beyond to the meat of the stuff
it was tuff
didn't know if it come, or exist at all
would it fly or would it fall
in this two person game would she pass the ball
come right back
keep me in
might we eventually be kin
didn't want to know, to think, to ponder the results
we were so separated, the relationship already faults
i guess i was trying to be cautious and observe the field
it looks safe
i'm in this game
like any other sport: no pain no gain
so, i'll try to explain
this love....
how do i see it?
what is it?
i've got many answers
i see its many colors
many flavors
none tastes worse
but same taste better
and you don't know, till you know if you like the sweater?
could be the type that you think fits
but when you put it on, your opinion remits
the mirror tells you its all wrong
you may be singing the the words but, you don't know the song
it was another.
a different type of love
not below or above
just different
soon as you think you've got it its gone and changed it's tune
to reflect the new aspects with which its imbuned
(i''m going back to this don't question love thing
perhaps i should take a step back
get an example to eye
you used Katie, i'll use.... i'll get back to that soon)
perhaps thats the thing
its not static but chaotic
the most unstable of eomtions
on a plane that encompuses them all
when you'll get which isn't even up to ya'll
loves the type of thing that creates its own definition
retains its own sense of self
but, what can we know about it?
that it feels good in our soul
i've got this warm fuzzy feeling that makes me want to behold
you
and all the other loves, just for the sake that they be
glad they've been growing to know me
and a chance to get to know them
including all their sin
never once turned off
not by what i hear or what I've grown to know
although,
the diferent stages
the different faces
different charms and different feet
where love will take each realation
where those people will meet
its like mancala
controlled by not you or i
but both
while most other emothions are wholley (hows that spelled?) on one side
one person can feel something to which the other must abide
love is different, its a journey of two
(i've got to get to these examples
or I'll just talk myself round in circles)
(i'll decide who in a bit
after i go on this walk
figure out the different people that I love
and what i can compare
i've usually been completely against that sort of thing
but for you, i will do it, i will classify my love
i remember back in childhood, it was just about forth grade
i couldn't decide who my best friend was, thought i had it made
here were these four guys, different circles, different worlds
blended never,
yet all so close
julian, evan, drew, reggie
which one was my favorite
which one my best friend
i couldn't decide; i was afraid to,
at the risk of pushing back three
then i'd just be left with him and me
my best friend
although i suppose, over the years it emerged anyhow
not but choice but but by time
to be even
the one guy i could never leave
and he could never leave me
or at least that's how i see
the world
you know freshman year?
i was the straw that broke the camel's back
in his relationship with rachel
i was the question that broke them
maybe they were doomed from the start
but didn't want to see it (didn't have the heart)
she asked him one day: you'd rather hang out with tamu?
by the end of the phrase, it had become a statement
a white flag, a wave goodbye
accompanied by a sigh
because she made hom rank his time
to rank what he liked best
was it the girl he loved? or laughs, calm and zest?
thats' what i'm afraid of
why i push definitions aside
it's the exerience of satisfaction to which i abide
not question
but look, her question reveiled that he was blind
due to the dissalusionment you find so dangerous
and i had always picked trust
i wouldn't say it was dangerous
but, definitions i will seek
break a time honored tradition in persute of the truth
destroy my preconseptions and create a new world
truth be told i'm afraid of what i'll find in the rubble
but, first i will go on that walk to find out who i love
this path of discovery will be on its way
like a devout christian trying to decide what to say
what is god? will i believe or won't?
next email will be later today
when i'll find out what to say
about each
what will it teach
its a sticky bog i'm going into trying to define this elastic love of mine
perhaps with time
i will be in the same boat, what is this god and that?
i will define and discern them
for me and for you
give me a few more hours and that is just what i'll do
much love
tamu
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