Grey Matter

Growing up, in elementary school, I was always the the token black boy. There were always four classes in my grade... two english, two spanish. There were plenty of whites and latinos. A few negro girls. But, I'm pretty sure I was the the only negro face running around n the playground from my entire grade. Julian Aaron maybe, but, i'm not sure(sorry Julian if i'm just stupid). But, that's besides the point. What's important is that I was always the black kid in elementary school. But, that was only in elementary school. Once we moved on to 6th grade, there were whole new swaths of black guys running around offereing new definitions of what it meant to be black. I didn't care then, though. I never hung out with any of them and plus there were few enough of us that we never really tredded on each other's turf. Plus, West Sylvan Middle School was a closed circuit. The outside world had little baring on this playground for the city's priveliged youth. The only thing that started sneaking in to our closed off community was the radio. Kids would eagerly wait for their chance to hear the latest Nelly cuts or debate the merits of 2pac's changes v. Puffy's Mo' Money, Mo' Problems. A few people wondered why I didn't know more about the Refugees... but, I'd just remind them that I never listened to the radio(unless I was on the school bus) and they'd leave me alone.

Then came high school. This is when the school district opened enrolment to the rest of the city. We had blacks flooding in from all kinds of neighborhoods... coming from all over the place. All competing with the black definitions that i'd grown comfortable with. But, don't fool yourself. The school was probably still 90-95% white. What's important is that i went from being "the only black guy they knew" to being "the whitest black kid they knew."

I didn't know what to make of this at first. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't know what it meant to be black. I still scoff at the idea that the color of my skin or the lives of my ancestors should somehow dictate the manner in which I carry myself or the music I listen to. But, i didn't want to get into all that. Instead, i just joked it off by stealling all the best characteristics of my negro brethren. "of course i can jump... i'm black." "don't worry about it, you'll never be able to dance like this... your too white" "yes the lady's love tall, dark and handsome."

But, now i don't know. Its true, i'm not all black like the other boys, mommy. Don't you remember I'm half white too. That seems to be something my siblings ignore. They fall behind the rationale that the rest of society can't see their white half, so they're forced to ignore it. But, I don't know. I guess for the moment i'll take it as a complement that i'm 'the whitest black guy.' Culture and stereotypes be damned, i'm being true to my biology.

Still, this has got to be the stupidest subject, people going on about ethnicity. Seriously people, bring up something that matters or at least thats real... Tamu Schwoeffermann.